2005 New Year's Revolutions
First, Happy New Years to all readers!
Second, ...yes!,...the title is correct. I no longer make resolutions, since things occur during the year and I wind up pushing them by the wayside.
So,..from now on, these won't be resolutions, but instead, the rule of law when I am proclaimed Emperor of all Earth! (What? You think I blog for S&Gs? This blog is merely laying the groundwork for my eventual conquest of mankind! Mwaa-haa-haa!)
Anyway,....here's the list:
1) Any celeb that names their child after a fruit, vegetable, car part, road sign, etc,..will have the child taken away from them, renamed something normal, and given up for adoption to a real family.
2) Any celeb that moves to Europe, then continues to trash the US and our government will have their citizenship revoked. I'm all for the First Amendment, but have the balls to say it here, first!
3) Any soccer mom who drives an SUV where either the steering wheel or the tires are bigger than she is will have their driver's licenses revoked.
3A) Any soccer dad who buys his wife one of the aforementioned SUVs will be castrated.
4) All emergency vehicles will be equipped with sidewinder missiles. That'll make you stop talking on the cell phone, trying to beat us to the Starbuck's entrance, or flipping us the bird as we try to get by!
5) The new pejorative for taking a s**t will be "I have to make a Michael Moore documentary!"
6) All ATMs will revert back to using ENGLISH ONLY. Our money isn't printed in twenty different languages, so the machines that dole them out shouldn't, either!