John Mayer - MO-O-O-O-RON!!

Great guitarist, writes occasionally-lame songs, can't do a serious interview worth a damn:

On Jennifer Aniston:

"One of the most significant differences between us was that I was tweeting," he told Playboy. "There was a rumor that I had been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn't it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she's still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I always said, '"These are the new rules.'"

Mayer went on to say he regrets they didn't last, but not without a little dig at her advanced age (compared to his).

"I'll always be sorry that it didn't last. In some ways I wish I could be with her," he said. "But I can't change the fact that I need to be 32."

Aniston just turned 41. Ouch.

On Jessica Simpson:

"That girl, for me, is a drug. And drugs aren't good for you if you do lots of them," he spilled. "Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me... Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm."

But Mayer was just getting started on the weird sex-as-drugs metaphors.

"There are people in the world who have the power to change our values. Have you ever been with a girl who made you want to quit the rest of your life? Did you ever say, "I want to quit my life and just f***in' snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*** you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep f***ing you."

But WAIT! It gets better! On interracial dating:

The musician also chronicled his sex life, saying he has slept with dozens and dozens of women, but said he had no desire to sleep with black women.

"I don't think I open myself to it. My d--- is sort of like a white supremacist,” Mayer said in the published excerpts. “I've got a Benetton heart and a f-----' David Duke c---. I'm going to start dating separately from my d---."